Elvon died last night.  For those who have not been following my blog, he had had Alzheimer’s for more than 10 years.  He faked it well for a long time, and we sailed all around the world, as much as possible.  He liked it, became familiar with cruise ships, and the crew were a big help.  A year ago June, we moved into Fountaingrove Lodge, a cruise ship that doesn’t leave the dock, where we both got help and support.  Thanks to Susan for doing the leg and paper work, which was considerable.

Elvon continued to decline, and went from a walker, to a wheelchair, in August.  He had become very fearful and it wasn’t always easy to get him to transfer, even to the chair.  The Lodge’s care-giving staff were wonderful, and I blessed the fact that we were here.

Then came the fires.  They started in Silverado, and Susan let me know around ten-thirty.  I could smell smoke in Santa Rosa.  When I turned on the TV, and found they were less than three miles away, I had to get us out of there.  Elvon would have been severely traumatized by the Lodge evacuation, and I couldn’t have waited until it happened, which was around three am, and was horrific, by all accounts.  We made it to a Holiday Inn in Fort Bragg, which worked well, until I smelled smoke from the Redwood fire and took the Scalbergs up on their kind offer of their house in Carmel.

It was perfect, only Elvon continued to lose ground.  He became more and more fearful of his transfers, until he would only get up for dinner, and that was a huge struggle.   About ten days before we could get back into the Lodge, he got up in the middle of the night, and used the commode as a walker. I woke up when he fell and broke his leg. That was almost two months ago.

He never recovered.  The Lodge survived, and I am back in our apartment.  There is much devastation very close, but our buildings are OK.  Elvon moved into the Memory Care unit here, with hospice.  He liked it, thanked us, and continued to thank his care givers.

His entire family, daughters Cathryn and Susan, Sister Esther, her husband Herb, and their daughter, Kris, visited the weekend before Christmas.  He was happy to see all of them, and it seemed to give him closure.  He barely said another word.  Last night, when I went to his room for movie night, I found him dead in his bed.  He must have gone peacefully, as there was plenty of staff on the floor.

We would have been 24 years married, tomorrow.  A better husband, no one ever had, and I miss him terribly.  But it’s good to know he is in a better place, with nothing to fear.  There will be a celebration of life in January, and we’ll publish the date when it has been established.

For our Christmas greeting this year, I have resorted to blatant plagiarism.  This is too good not to pass on.  It came from Flyers’ Rights, an organization I support in spirit and with $10 a month.  They are all there is between us and the airlines, who are doing all they can to make us give up on travel.  It looks like they plagiarized it, too.  Here it is:

With love in a very difficult year,

Elvon, Helen, and Sylly P, 117

Follow my blog by clicking on www.helenmegan.com and then on “follow” on the left. You can see what Flyers’ Rights does and offer your own support at http://www.flyersrights.org/  Get their newsletter by clicking in the second box.  It’s very good.

After writing that last blog on Friday morning, I went to see Elvon, and he was much better and speaking in sentences, at least until he got tired. He told me he likes The Terraces. That’s a relief.  Comcast is the current frazzler.  I spent an hour on the phone with them, on Friday, with no real result.  It’s sort of working but not with Comcast’s remote until after you jump through a few hoops on the TV’s remote.  .  With about 20 people needing to turn it on and off, this is not acceptable.  They are sending me a new remote, which I doubt will fix it.  Sigh.

Because I say Elvon is happier does not mean he is getting better.  But at least he is comfortable.  This last was a family weekend.  Cathryn had depositions to take in Arizona and used that  as a springboard to a family visit.  Elvon’s sister, Esther, in Fresno, decided she had to see him, too, and since none of them could come here for Christmas, we had the annual big family weekend.  I stepped back and let them all have at him. Elvon was talkative on Saturday, but unresponsive Sunday and Monday.  I had hoped for him to be well by Tuesday, but, alas, not.

Cat had to go home early Tuesday morning, to be with her husband, Matt, whose Crohn’s operation had failed and had to be re-done.  It’s a lot more complicated than that, but I don’t understand it enough to explain.  He’s still in the ICU, and worthy of thoughts and prayers, too.

Wednesday, Elvon was a little more awake, and I saw him, with our Hospice Social Worker, in the afternoon, and again after dinner to watch a movie.  I brought wine, but he can’t really drink it any more.  The acid makes him choke.  We held hands and watched Anastasia.  It turned out to be the cartoon version, but it suited our purposes.  I am going back tonight.  He seems to like our time together at the end of the day.  I do, too.

The new Comcast remote arrived, today, and it was an earlier version than the one we had.  I called them again, got more intelligent life on the end of the line, and we got it back to the way the original guy had installed, with the better remote.  I then gave up, and revised the instructions to back where they were.  At least it’s simpler.

I have been agonizing over our Christmas Greeting, and have now found one that works.  It will be my next post.

Elvon is happier in The Terraces.  24 hours in, he was even much more responsive.  He even spoke a full sentence.  I didn’t see another one in the two subsequent days, though.  He seems to be happier, and mouthed I love you, in response to an entirely different question, but I take it when I get it, and am grateful.  His room is lovely and has great energy.  The building is quiet, even though there is a lot going on, if only he could participate.

Yesterday, I spent three hours there, waiting for, and working with, Comcast.  He didn’t pay much attention, and wasn’t really watching it when I left.  I am hoping it’s company.  I’ll have a lot more work to do to get it set up with Amazon Prime and NetFlix, so we can watch movies together in the evenings.  All this technical stuff has become so hard.  The Comcast rep couldn’t even set it up such that it would power on right into Comcast.  He has it so you need both remotes and knowledge of the fact that Comcast is “Outside Antenna/TV” to get it going.  That’s just wrong.  There are probably 20 people who will be touching that set and I can’t get the word to all of them.  I’ll make a little sign, if I can’t get it to work as it should.  That’s for this afternoon.  I wanted to report to you, first, and thank all of you for your encouragement, both here on the blog, in private emails, phone calls, and in person.  It keeps me going, and, yes, times ARE tough. Love, Helen

I haven’t written, because there has been no change in Elvon’s condition, and he is still at Sonoma Post-Acute Care, but not for much longer.    No change is bad in this case. He is in a rehab facility and has shown zero interest in being rehabilitated.  I don’t blame him.  He has been through enough.  But there they are, feeding him mush, so he won’t get pneumonia, making him sit in a chair for hours, and trying to torture him with physical therapy.

All he has ever wanted was peace and quiet, good food, a little wine and a TV set to keep him company.  I can’t watch his unhappiness any longer.  I am bring him home to Fountaingrove, to The Terraces, our Memory Care Unit.  It’s beautiful, and serene.  Hospice will bring in the HiLo bed he requires, and offer support to all of us.  He’ll be allowed to enjoy whatever he wants to eat and drink.  Susan and I will be spending the rest of today decorating, getting the TV, etc.  He’ll come to his new home on Monday.  I’ll be able to walk over and see him whenever I want, so more short visits are in order.  I think he’ll like that.

Today, Susan and I are in the Interior Design business on his room.  We’ll put in a little Christmas, too, and we’re expecting the whole family next weekend.

I am back in the apartment and Elvon is in “Sonoma Post-Acute Care”, formerly “Santa Rosa Convalescent”.  He has been there for a week, now.  He still cannot transfer to a wheelchair, without a lift, and is not very responsive in general.  He will be there for at least a month.

His place at the Terraces is now assured.  Someone just gave 30 days notice.  I know the wife.  She lives in here, and will be moving down to Carmel, where they have family.  I think he’s the one who got the place in “The Cottages of Carmel”, while our doctor was taking a holiday after the fire. Life is like that.

I am very happy to be home.  It is so great to be back with our Lodge family.  Everyone is so nice, and we all have fire stories, to liven the conversations, once we have hugged, long and warmly.  The food is better than ever and, if you don’t drive towards 128 to Napa, you don’t see much to depress you.  I have not.  I can’t face it yet.  The apartment looks pretty good, except for a four-inch scratch on our new leather chair, and a couple of missing pillows.

One of these days, I’ll go have a look, but I am not ready for the extreme devastation.  I am still in a type of mourning, moving slowly, feeling down, and making mistakes.  I just managed to lock all three sets of car keys in the trunk of the car.  I had taken the second set with me, just in case.  The third key lives in my wallet.  I was taking some stuff, from my car, to Pat Gustafson’s apartment, on my way out.  When I put the empty bag back in the trunk, I did it without opening the car proper.  That was when I noticed the second red purse there and saw that the second set of keys were in it.   I had just made a mental note to bring that back upstairs, when I came back, when I closed the trunk on the whole shooting match. I am waiting for AAA, now.

And while I am ‘fessing up to dizziness, one sharp reader caught this beaut:

I had dinner at Monterey’s Fish House, where I sat at the bar.  The guy on my right had had an Alzheimer’s mother-in-law, and was very sympathetic.  The gal on my right ordered what I did, and we agreed we should have just ordered one and shared it.

And sent it back with this pithy comment “So…you sat next to a hermaphrodite on your right? Did the guy half order something different?”

I am in the Best Western in Healdsburg.  The drive from Carmel to Santa Rosa was great, the shortest ever for that trip.  Elvon is now in a very nice rehab place for a month or so, and then he will move to Memory Care on our campus.   I move back into our apartment on Monday.  Can’t wait. 

 Things are really looking up.  There’s a lovely little shop on Healdsburg Ave. that has been taking donations and giving free clothing to fire refugees.  I got two outfits, that are really spiffy, including a pair of Amalfi shoes.  Then I went to the “free Store” near the Post Office and got some outfits for Elvon.  Since they are going to cut the left leg open, you wouldn’t want his slacks to be expensive.  Free is a great price.  I also got him a great cotton sweater, one we would have called a “Dale Sheldon Special”, only it is in his colors.  He loves it.  I love that he is interested enough to love it.  He is getting both Physical and Occupational Therapy and I have been reassured that he is getting the first available place at The Terraces, our Memory Care. 

 Last night Pat, Mike and I had dinner at Dry Creek Kitchen, my favorite restaurant in Healdsburg.  They have a wonderful local’s special.  Three beautiful courses for $27.  Best of all, there’s no corkage, if the wine you bring is grown and made in Sonoma.  If you are close to here, come up and have dinner before Thanksgiving.  It’s a great bargain.  If you want to come tomorrow night, I’ll join you.  Sunday night, I’ll be dining in Napa.  Anyone want to join me?

After I published yesterday, I had a meeting with the Discharge Planner, and gave her the list of rehab places in Santa Rosa, that Merissa had given me.  I also gave her my SkyMed and Nationwide information, Travel and Fire Insurance may kick in, after Medicare and AARP.  It looks like we are taken care of, until he can move into The Terraces.

Today, Wednesday, I hear he is free to go, tomorrow or the next day, and has been accepted by the best care place in Santa Rosa.  He’ll be going with Medical Transportation.  He isn’t stable enough to ride with me, if we could even fit him in the car.  It took 4 people to change him around noon, today.  He kicks and hollers, and carries on something fierce.  You wouldn’t want that to start up when you were alone in a car with him, and trying to drive it.  I just hope some insurance or other pays for it.  SkyMed denied it because the care he needs is available here in Carmel.  They didn’t seem to care that it would adversely affect him to be moved multiple times.

So, I am just going to do what’s best for him, and back to Santa Rosa we go.  I expect to be on the road from 10:30 am to 2:00 pm, Pacific Time.  If anyone wants to call me, I’ll have my cell phone on speaker and be more than happy of the diversion.  I should be back in the Lodge on Monday.

Yesterday was a better day, though exhausting.  They reduced the pain medicine and he regained most of his sanity.  He slurs his words something terrible, though, so it takes a lot to understand what he’s thinking.  He associates me with horse racing, and remembers Bill Benter, and how I used to play the horses.  He also remembers a parishioner of his father’s who had a race horse at Santa Anita.  All this comes out all mixed up, and takes a while to sort out.

Kris and Jerry visited for more than an hour, and gave me a little break.  Neither of them could make dinner, though, but they gave me a swell recommendation.  I had dinner at Monterey’s Fish House, where I sat at the bar.  The guy on my right had had an Alzheimer’s mother-in-law, and was very sympathetic.  The gal on my right ordered what I did, and we agreed we should have just ordered one and shared it.  It was absolutely wonderful, East Coast giant scallops in a pernod cream sauce on linguine.  I took 2/3 of it home to the Scalberg house.

Late yesterday afternoon, the CHOMP portal yielded a doctor’s report which said, in part, “ the above described nondisplaced lateral femoral condyle fracture. Given this patient’s other challenges, and his declining mental status, I do not see a need for operative intervention at the present time”

I sent it to our nurse with this note: “This likely means the bone will knit such that the knee will never bend again.  I am not sure this is a good idea.  I am also not sure an operation is a good idea, but it might be short term pain for long term improvement.”

She wrote back that it was too dangerous for his brain, and that we had better just bring him back to Santa Rosa for rehabilitation.  We should be able to move him into The Terraces after a stay in a skilled nursing place in Santa Rosa.  I understand that’s the best course of action. I can then move back into the Lodge on the 13^th, be near him, and at home.  He’ll be in the hospital for another day or two, anyway.

It’s not as good as it looks.  Elvon doesn’t know what hit him, where he is, or even who I am.  He is terrified by everything and screams bloody murder when the staff come near him.  They do, you know.  They also take him for radiology, and he hollers, and I cringe and feel terrible.  He cannot understand what happened, or even acknowledge that he hears you.

Susan drove down yesterday, and provided more support to me, than she could to him.  We all try, the staff are great, but we are not getting through to him.  It’s very hard to watch.   

We are definitely not getting any respite.   But he just woke up for a bit, and did know who I am.  So things might be improving.